#but like is it REALLY that deep
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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obsessed with star trek repeatedly writing themselves into a corner by creating alien races that are supposed to be The Bad Guys when that explicitly conflicts with their previously established notion that no group of people is inherently good or evil.
first it was the klingons—they’re originally supposed to be this cruel, bloodthirsty, war-obsessed people—and then tng comes along and it’s like wait no maybe war and violence is a part of their culture and actually ties back to ancient traditions and philosophies so we have to be woke about it.
hey these are the ferengi and they’re supposed to represent everything we hate about capitalist society; they’re greedy, scheming, profit-obsessed, and they look like ugly little trolls to emphasize how much we fucking HATE capitalism. oh wait fuck here comes deep space nine and we have to recognize that they’re PEOPLE. okok what if the pursuit of profit is actually part of their culture and ties back to ancient traditions and philosophies. so we have to be woke about it.
this is the borg, they’re a hivemind race of cyborgs who have no sense of individuality and their only motivation is assimilating people into their society. they want to assimilate humanity and we are completely defenseless against them because their technology is eons ahead of our own and they’re incapable of being reasoned with. oh sweet we have a borg prisoner this is the perfect opportunity to commit genocide against them. fuck actually we can’t commit genocide we’re woke and communists and in space.
hey these are the cardassians, they’re part of a cruel and vicious empire which is supposed to be a representation of fascism and authoritarian regimes, they’re a cold, bloodthirsty people with no sense of empathy or compassion, their society literally references 1984 on multiple occasions, and they’re known for the insanely cruel and inhumane methods of torture they use against their prisoners of war. we hate the cardassians…….. except, here’s a cardassian kid who grew up on bajor, and……. fuck. he’s a person. now we actually have to consider his humanity. and being racist is actually……. bad.
this is the jem’hadar, they’re genetically engineered soldiers who have no sense of individuality and only live to defend the state. they’re all born addicted to a synthetic drug that’s manufactured by the state and administered by their masters—this is how they’re kept subservient. they’re ruthless and powerful and they’re incapable of being reasoned with because their only motivation is violence and killing. so we should kill them all, right? FUCK….. what if they’re actually people. goddamnit. now we have to consider their humanity.
hey these are the romulans. hey these are the founders. the list goes on. i just find it really interesting
#star trek#star trek tos#star trek tng#star trek ds9#deep space nine#ds9#like i know some of it was definitely done on purpose#but like the ferengi for example i know they weren’t really prepared to explore that#and ironically enough it creates some of the most compelling storylines and ethical dilemmas on the show#hashtag woke trek am i right
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“He is part of me… The Man is the center of all things…”
-“Metamorphosis” s2 ep9
#spirk#tos spirk#star trek#star trek tos#spock#jim kirk#metamorphosis#s2 ep9 destroyed something deep in me like i actually cried really hard#i love you companion…#the parallel between the companion/zefram and spock/kirk was palpable#my art
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when we’re done with our overwhelming grief we’ll eat i guess
#book 22#im verh drunk#hi#greatest hits#not really sure why this one resonated. are u all ok#is everyone just at the shiva#yall need to stop saying you arent gonna eat then in the tags#i love that a lot of you are getting beautiful things out of this#but some of yall need to know i wrote this while incredibly drunk#this isnt meant to be all that deep this is just shitty iliad posting#more comments like this is just judaism. surprise surprise im jewish#but again this isnt about sitting shiva#this is me drunk talking about the last 3 books of the iliad#idk what to tell u man#legendary warrior
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
#warm up#this isn't good#writeblr#this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3#but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker#and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS#the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt#and medical debt#i will put that first little bit of cash#into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option#but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver#oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs
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dropping this and fleeing like a deer in the woods
#this is literally the most shameless thing ive ever drawn#not in like a weird way but in a like 'i just really wanted to draw this for funsies and im also deeply embarassed but its fine' way#what ever im in too deep#i started thinking abt hades' tattoos in hadestown and blacked out for two hours#gravity falls#bill cipher#im a character designer i promise i promise i pr
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Juno’s champion
#uhh spoilers cough cough#had some deep Jason thoughts#rlly feel like he was missed potential tho 😔#actually fun fact I didn’t know heroes of Olympus was a sequel#so I started it as my first book into the Percy Jackson series and was really confused the entire time lmaooo#anyway my favorite characters are the ones doomed by the narrative#pjo hoo toa#pjo#pjo fanart#jason grace#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo#pjo spoilers#my art#art#digital art#fanart#illustration#procreate#haliai art#toa spoilers#the burning maze spoilers
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Did you know Nana Visitor said in an interview she wasn’t considered a beautiful actress in the 90’s? absolutely insane
I actually had a hard time finding reference images for early season short hair big shoulder pads Kira. I guess they did less promo and the camera quality was maybe a bit shit in early on idk but this is my favourite outfit of hers ever I literally wrote about it for uni once
Anyway I can see definite improvement from my Dax painting, i’m still colour picking from the reference so I might challenge myself not to do that next time. I think this took around 3 hours? I should probably start timing myself
I’m really happy i’m getting better at digital painting but it has made me a little sad that I do so little traditional art now. that being said this is soo much easier to post getting a photo of the VVitch poster was so difficult and it would not scan correctly!!
all art is under #my art ,click for better quality !
#I love her your honour#having short hair in my teen years and seeing her looking fucking stunning really helped my awkward teen self#like i often felt like I wasn’t “pretty with short hair but watching ds9 everyday after school#i was like well clearly this is the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen and we have the same hair so#anywayyyy#my art#ds9#star trek#star trek ds9#deep space nine#deep space 9#kira ds9#kira nerys#kira nerys ds9
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he's being normal about hands
#stump art#stump dump#gravity falls#billford#hi i hope people don't mind me spamming panel previews . i'm gonna do it anyways#next long form comic i do i SWEAR it will be post canon#i swear i swear i'm gonna draw more old ford i just . really love asserting that young ford was a scary dude#full of whimsy . and child like wonder . but also . a deep and unending rage simmering just beneath the surface#yay <3
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class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#my class swap stuff! oh yeah I think I got a tag for that I'll call that#fh class quangle#gna slowly go back and get that tag on relevant posts too. for organization's sake#even tho I didnt really intend this blog to be that kinda blog lmao. we were all just gonna be out here dealin with that at our own pace#anyways uh! they! u know all the lore for the designs already I put em in tags. but otherwise this also collects like the#color keys kind of for these. mostly the things that change between designs#doing this did make me realise half of these are a Lot more consistent in color keys than the other half lol#like kristen's palette stays pretty much the same. and fabian's. the hit's mostly in the construction#a lot of this is overall like an exercise in remembering what high schoolers would actually wear and how to work in Costume pieces#on this point at least I straight up have No relevant recollection lmao all the basic education establishments I went to have uniforms#and outside of school I was. well kind of a shorts and tee guy. so#on that topic I feel like fabian's is the furthest stretch lmao. like if a guy in high school wears the same bright yellow raincoat#to school every day that's like. people would Not like that guy. fabian really is saved by being cute and a rogue#he will still have stans when he's deep in his fishing arc in junior year he's the manic pixie dream bf#anyways uh. things to do! stuff to get done. sleep first tho. have a good night lads#I have not caught new nsbu yet! seems I mostly catch them like two to three days late nowadays.#so please uhh. don't reply on my posts with nsbu spoilers? we are all excited and having fun but that's rude#ok thank u. signing off for the day have a good night#!!
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Oh to be a loyal knight and serve my lord (we are fucking)
#*that deep version of de profundis plays*#the red doesn’t match my blog but oh well#I had gotten a really good pic of myself and was like wow this reminds me of a knight on his knees I have to draw that#technically based off a story I have yet to publish#anyway yeah gay knight#history#illustration#medieval#knights#medieval art#my art
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Please elaborate on your twst Pokémon headcannons I’m very interested
I had planned on drawing everyone for this (I made a LIST!) but it. hasn't been going well. 💀 soooo here's what I have so far!
Riddle - Roserade (I was going with 'no legendaries', otherwise I would've given him a Shaymin) (and I don't think Togedemaru is actually a hedgehog or I would've given him one of those too) (...they kind of do fit though. hmm.)
Trey - Alcremie (clover/mint cream + strawberry/ruby cream)
Cater - DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD!
Ace - Impidimp (I feel like there's probably a better one for him, but I can't think of it)
Deuce - Scraggy (meanwhile I KNOW deep in my heart that this is true)
Leona - Pyroar (but like. a nasty Pyroar. just a grizzly old Pyroar with the shittiest attitude imaginable. they pretend to hate each other but secretly they are a bonded pair, do not separate)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#i'm trying not to pressure myself too much art-wise right now#but i would like to do more of the characters!#(especially considering this started with my insistence that malleus would have a dragapult)#gotta draw something i don't immediately hate first ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ#ANYWAY enough art angst!#i'm not aiming for full teams or delving too deep into lore or anything#just one or two per character that i think fit!#i was pretty torn on leona for a while because pyroar is at once the obvious choice but also. not really?#(i did consider luxray and ultimately decided it doesn't really fit either)#but i kind of love Nasty Lionboy's Nasty Pyroar#i think there's probably some. like. ~royal tradition~ that they all bond with this one specific breeding line or whatever#and leona deliberately chose just the absolute worst one#took one look at this shitty rude pokemon and immediately went 'that one'#falena was like 'are...are you SURE' and leona cops an attitude like 'i'm choosing my OWN pokemon you're not my DAD'#as pyroar is actively attempting to eat him#actually it probably tried to eat kifaji first and that's when leona decided he liked it#me: this is just for funsies i'm not doing lore (writes a whole fanfic in the tags)
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#there's no escape huh.#like a couple of weeks before da reawoke i had thought i had got deep into ff7. like real deep#deep enough that i posted 'well i hope da news will get me back to normal because this game drives me crazy' or smth like that. lol#my ff7 brainrot was bad. it made me really abnormal. but oh boy in comparison i was the sanest not at all obsessed person ever#when a couple of years ago i apologized in advance for a person i'd become after new dragon age. yeah i clearly foresaw that outcome#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard
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one downside to digital mediums of art is that you cant see the tear stains (they just slide down the screen)
#turtlearts#tf2#team fortress 2#not even gonna lie i dont think ive ever struggled to draw as much as i had during this time#these are also a couple months old . and oh my god#i literally thought i was going insane. deep in the clutches of 3/4 head hell and i couldnt escape#like no sleep levels of drawing the same thing again and again until i either got exhausted or just gave up#when the therapist and psych nurse i had at uni said that i have ocd tendencies maybe they were onto something lowkey#side note but thanks to tf2 spy i got a butterfly knife trainer bc i wanted to do tricks#unfortunately i lost the knife :(( but i did learn a couple (really simple) tricks which was neat :)
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captain's warm hugs! (id in alt)
#opfanart#one piece#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#nami#usopp#sanji#my first nongun art in 8 kabillion years. i watched opla recently and it resurged smth deep within me...#idk who of my first followers are still here but one piece has been like T_T urgh. my beginnings... i love this series so much#LUFFY especially - zoro is my favorite but luffy is the heart of the show!!! inaki's performance was really fun and carried that same#vibrancy - it made me sooo happy to see... and in general the romance dawn crew has always been dear to my heart uuu... the la gave a lot o#good bits between the og trio but i def wish we couldv seen more with usopp & sanji too. but maybe.. if we ever get a season 2 :'D#anyway i love the straw hats steadily getting used to luffy's shenanigans and even liking it at some point. the warming up part of all thei#friendships is so dear to me and its just a natural blossom of comfort and trust. and some of these mfs are Touch starved fr....#ruporas art
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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
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